Lightning Fill In The Blank

Jun 23, 2018
Originally published on June 23, 2018 12:39 pm
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill In The Blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which to answer as many fill-in-the-blank questions as he or she can. Each correct answer now worth two points. Bill, can you give us the scores?

BILL KURTIS: Mo has two. Alonzo and Faith each have three.

SAGAL: That means that, Mo, you are up first.

MO ROCCA: OK.

SAGAL: So the clock will start when I begin your first question. Fill in the blank. On Tuesday, the White House announced that the U.S. had formally withdrawn from the blank.

ROCCA: From the United Nations Human Rights Council.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Monday, the Supreme Court declined to rule on two key cases related to partisan blanking.

ROCCA: Gerrymandering.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, President Trump said that blank had returned the remains of 200 U.S. soldiers.

ROCCA: North Korea.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: With a vote of 52-29, Canada became the second country in the world to legalize blank.

ROCCA: Oh, marijuana.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, a thief in Arkansas was caught after he attempted to pay a waitress with blank.

ROCCA: Barley.

SAGAL: The credit card that he stole from her the day before. A new study...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...Published this week found that drinking four cups of blank a day may be good for your heart.

ROCCA: Coffee.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: I will live forever. This week, the sequel to Pixar's 2004 film, blank, broke box office records.

ROCCA: "The Incredibles."

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: You got what we were asking for. This week, a Finnish man caused almost $20,000...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...Worth of damage to his home after he started a fire while blanking.

ROCCA: He started a fire - oh, my goodness. It has to be ironic. He started a fire - he did it - he did it - he did it through something that created friction that then set...

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: He did it through - it was something he ate that created something gaseous that ignited. No, he did it...

(LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I just even want to find something that's even ridiculously possible. He did it by sleeping in a - in an electric blanket.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: No, Mo, no.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: He set his house on fire while trying to kill a snake by dousing it in gasoline.

FAITH SALIE: Ah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He's out mowing the lawn. He sees the snake. He does what anybody would do - runs, grabs a can of gasoline, douses the snake. Ha-ha, he thinks to himself. But the gasoline sort of splashes on his lawn mower, which was hot. (Imitates explosion) Everything goes up in flames.

ROCCA: That was my next guess.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Emergency - when emergency crews arrived, his lawn was on fire. His house was on fire. And they found the man doing what any of us would do if their house was on fire - just throwing a bunch of snakes on it.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Mo do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Well, he got six right, 12 more points. And a total of 14 puts him in the lead.

SAGAL: All right.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: We flipped a coin. Alonzo's elected to go last, so, Faith, you're up next. On Monday, President Trump threatened additional tariffs of $200 billion on blank.

SALIE: China.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Taliban leaders rejected a proposal from the government of blank to extend a three-day cease-fire.

SALIE: Afghanistan.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, the White House announced plans to merge the Labor Department with the blank.

SALIE: Education.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: We'll have a Department of Child Labor. On Tuesday...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Tuesday, industrial giant GE was removed from the blank, where it had been listed since 1907.

SALIE: The Dow Jones.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, Chicago Cubs pitcher Brandon Morrow was placed on the disabled list after injuring himself while blanking.

SALIE: I mean, adjusting himself.

SAGAL: No. While taking off his pants. This week, Brian...

SALIE: I mean, same thing.

SAGAL: Yeah. Well, no. This week Brian Krzanich, the CEO of blank, announced he was resigning over a relationship with an employee.

SALIE: Intel.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Thursday, NASA detailed a new plan to stop blanks before they hit the earth.

SALIE: Asteroids.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: After being forced by his parents to eat a salad...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...A boy in Canada blanked.

SALIE: Called 911 twice.

SAGAL: Yes. That's what he did, Faith.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: According to the Royal Mounted Canadian Police, the 12-year-old boy called 911 around 10 p.m. to complain that his parents made him eat a salad and that it tasted really bad. Thirty minutes later, he called 911 again to reiterate just how terrible that salad was.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So for those keeping score, the worst thing to happen to kids in Canada this week is that one of them had to eat kale.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Faith do on our quiz?

KURTIS: She got seven right, 14 more points. She has a total of 17...

SAGAL: All right.

KURTIS: ...And the lead.

SAGAL: Very good.

ALONZO BODDEN: Wow.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: How many, then, does Alonzo need to win?

KURTIS: Seven to tie and eight to win.

SAGAL: All right. Here we go. This is for the game, Alonzo. Tall order. On Sunday, Trump associate blank revealed he'd had contact with a Russian national during the 2016 election.

BODDEN: Manafort.

SAGAL: No. This time, Roger Stone. On Monday, the CEO of Audi was arrested in connection with blank's emissions scandal.

BODDEN: Volkswagen.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: On Wednesday, Disney raised its offer to buy blank's media assets to $71.3 billion.

BODDEN: Fox.

SAGAL: Yes, 21st Century Fox.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: This week, firefighters in New Zealand were praised for their excellent response time when they responded to a fire in blank.

BODDEN: Where is it that Hobbits live - Middle-earth?

SAGAL: No.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The answer is in their own firehouse.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: On Thursday, Koko the gorilla, who had mastered blank, passed away at the age of 46.

BODDEN: Sign language.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Maintenance workers in New Delhi who were called in...

(SOUNDBITE OF GONG)

SAGAL: ...To fix a malfunctioning ATM opened it to find blank.

BODDEN: OK, how do I do this, Mo?

(LAUGHTER)

BODDEN: I'm going to go with bugs.

SAGAL: No, no.

BODDEN: They found insects.

SAGAL: They found a family of rats that had gotten in and eaten $18,000.

ROCCA: Ah.

BODDEN: Oh.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: A family of rats snuck into the hole in the ATM's wiring duct and ate all of the cash. The sight came as a real shock to the mechanics. The real victim is the guy who took out 40 bucks the day before but hasn't realized he's been walking around with two flattened rats in his wallet.

SALIE: Blech.

ROCCA: Oh, jeez.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, did Alonzo do well enough to win?

KURTIS: He got three right, six more points, total of nine. Faith is the winner this week.

SAGAL: Congratulations, Faith.

(APPLAUSE) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.