Limericks

May 19, 2018
Originally published on May 19, 2018 9:43 am
Copyright 2018 NPR. To see more, visit http://www.npr.org/.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill In The Blank, but first, it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-WAIT-WAIT - that's 1-888-924-8924. Or click the contact us link on our website, waitwait.npr.org. There, you can find out about attending our weekly live shows right here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming show at Tanglewood in Lenox, Mass., on June 21.

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT... DON'T TELL ME.

LINDA COLLINS: Hi. This is Linda, and I'm calling from Cedar Hill, Tenn.

SAGAL: Where is Cedar Hill, Tenn.?

COLLINS: (Laughter) We are about 45 minutes northwest of Nashville.

SAGAL: OK. What do you do there?

COLLINS: Well, I am director of admissions and marketing for a skilled nursing center.

SAGAL: Oh, cool, very good. Linda, welcome to the show. Bill Kurtis is going to read you three news-related limericks with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly in two of the limericks, you will be a big winner. You ready to play?

COLLINS: I'm ready.

SAGAL: All right. Here is your first limerick.

BILL KURTIS: At the dance, got dropped off by my mom. There's a jungle theme. No one kept calm. Spiked punch was ignored as the great, wild beast roared when a tiger showed up at the...

COLLINS: Prom.

SAGAL: Yes, at the...

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: ...Prom. The theme for the Columbus High School prom in Miami, Fla., was welcome to the jungle. So, of course, they invited a live tiger.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: You'd think they'd stop being so literal after half the senior class drowned at last year's under the sea-themed dance.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So they had a tiger in a cage at the prom - got through the night without incident, despite loud music, cameras flashing, someone juggling fire and senior Raquel Wilson wandering by the cage wearing a zebra-striped dress and Calvin Klein's new gazelle urine perfume.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The school is currently under investigation to see if they broke any laws by forcing the animal to be there under such high-stress conditions. If they decide you cannot force mammals to go to the prom if they don't want to go, the members of the chess club would like a word.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here is your next limerick.

KURTIS: The cloth that I wear on my cheeks gets worn again. It never reeks. Day after day, the smell stays away, and I don't have to wash it for...

COLLINS: Weeks?

SAGAL: Yes, weeks.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Silvertech 2.0 is a new kind of underwear you never have to put in the laundry.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Now, you may be asking, how is that different from any other kind of underwear?

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, first of all, get out of my house.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But these underpants are made with anti-microbial silver technology that kills 99 percent of bacteria, which means they're basically indestructible. And if you wear them long enough, even bacteria will be, like, you know what? This is even too gross for me.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We're out of here.

TOM BODETT: Well, I can understand antimicrobial, but that - the microbes are the things you can't see.

SAGAL: Right.

BODETT: What happens to all the stuff...

(LAUGHTER)

BODETT: ...You can see?

TARA CLANCY: What color are these underwear?

SAGAL: Well, we don't know. They're called Silvertech, so perhaps they're silver. Although I know what you're thinking, and I'm just not going to say what color they should probably be.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: OK, Linda. Here is your last limerick.

KURTIS: While humans are counting the threads on their silky and cottony spreads, we chimps know what's best. We just make a new nest. That's why we have much cleaner...

COLLINS: Beds.

SAGAL: Right.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Beds...

COLLINS: (Laughter).

SAGAL: ...Very good. Chimpanzees sleep in nests they put together up in trees. And, you know, basically, they do the equivalent of changing their sheets every night versus humans, who just invented underwear you never have to wash.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So it turns out they have cleaner beds than we do. The animals gather new branches and leaves to refresh their nests and never settle for anything less than a twig count of 400.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So a study was done of these beds that shows that they have more - all right, they have more bugs, but they have less harmful bacteria that our beds do. They also have fewer Flamin' Hot Cheetos from last night...

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: ...When you fall asleep while watching HDTV.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Bill, how did Linda do on our quiz?

KURTIS: Linda got them all right. She is a winner.

SAGAL: Congratulations.

(APPLAUSE)

COLLINS: Thank you. Thank you. Love you, Chicago.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.