Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
12:43 am
Sat November 10, 2012

Limericks

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Coming up, it's Lightning Fill in the Blank but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme. If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message at 1-888-Wait-Wait, that's 1-888-924-8924. Or, you can click the contact us link on our website waitwait.npr.org.

There you can find out about attending our weekly live shows here at the Chase Bank Auditorium in Chicago and our upcoming shows in Milwaukee next week, or in Los Angeles, "the Milwaukee of the West," on December 6th.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Yeah, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "They wish."

Hi, you're on WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!

TONYA JOLLY: Hi, this is Tonya from Tampa, Florida.

SAGAL: Hey, Tonya, how are you?

JOLLY: I'm fine, thanks.

SAGAL: You had an exciting year in Tampa; you had a big political convention.

JOLLY: Oh, yes.

SAGAL: Was that fun to have all those people running around Tampa?

JOLLY: There was a lot of traffic.

SAGAL: Yeah.

JOLLY: And a lot of businesses that were closed, funny enough.

SAGAL: Really?

JOLLY: Downtown shut down, literally, because it was just so busy and security was so tight down there.

P. J. O'ROURKE: Because Republicans steal things.

SAGAL: Yeah.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Welcome to the show, Tanya.

JOLLY: Thank you.

SAGAL: Carl Kasell is going to read you three news-related limericks, with the last word or phrase missing from each. If you can fill in that last word or phrase correctly on two of the limericks, you'll be a big winner.

Are you ready to play?

JOLLY: I am.

SAGAL: Here is your first limerick.

CARL KASELL: Though mourners might just blow a gasket, death isn't attractive; let's mask it. Pose half-naked foxes by solid pine boxes. Nude models will show off our?

JOLLY: Caskets.

SAGAL: Yes, exactly right, casket.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Very good.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: You know what's wrong with funerals? They're not sexy.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: But now Polish casket company Linder, has released a calendar featuring nearly naked models posing next to their caskets. This is true. How does this work? Is it like at the mechanic, when you go into the mechanic? The funeral director hangs it in his office. He's like, well, yes, Mrs. Williams, look up there, I think your husband would have really wanted to hit that.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Here's your next limerick.

KASELL: Baby's cute, but the parents want more, so let's give the young rascal a chore. Give it clothes that can sweep as the little one creeps. When it crawls it will mop up the?

JOLLY: Floor.

SAGAL: Right, yes, yes, floor.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Babies are cute, but they're useless, which is why some parents are now turning to the Baby Mop. The baby mop is exactly what it sounds like. It is a onesie attached to a mop head. So your tot buffs up the pinewood flooring just by crawling on it. The same company also recently released the Dad Wastebasket. It allows your dad to double as a place to stuff your leftovers.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's actually just your dad.

ALONZO BODDEN: I'd love to see the baby mop that Martha Stewart would design.

SAGAL: Yes.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

O'ROURKE: No, I know who would do this.

SAGAL: Who would do this?

O'ROURKE: It would be two men. You know, this may be the argument the Republicans have been looking for against gay marriage.

(LAUGHTER)

O'ROURKE: Two men, married to each other, might use the baby mop.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: I assume this is true because you don't have a woman there to say why are you being such an idiot?

O'ROURKE: What are you doing? Exactly.

SAGAL: Yeah.

BODDEN: No. That would never work because that would be a straight man's idea.

SAGAL: Exactly. I was about to say.

BODDEN: Gay men would never...

SAGAL: Gay men are actually...

O'ROURKE: That's why straight men should not be allowed to be involved in gay marriage.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: All right, here is your last limerick.

KASELL: We hook probes to a young student's brain, then we say, "Here's a theorem: explain." As the neurons do math, there's an agonized path. Tough problems cause physical?

JOLLY: Pain.

SAGAL: Yes.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Math is like love, it hurts.

O'ROURKE: Oh god. Gosh, I remember that. Sorry.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Are you remembering math or love?

O'ROURKE: I'm remembering math.

SAGAL: OK.

O'ROURKE: It's horrible.

SAGAL: According to scientists at the University of Chicago, math can cause actual physical pain, and not just because if you're good at it you get beat up a lot.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Math actually causes significant activity in your pain receptors in your brain. We'd explain further but if math hurts, science can't be good for you either.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Carl, how did Tonya do?

KASELL: Tonya, you had three correct answers, so you win our prize.

SAGAL: Well done, Tonya.

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Nicely done. Congratulations.

JOLLY: Thank you very much.

SAGAL: Bye-bye.

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.

Related program: