Opening Panel Round

Jan 7, 2012
Originally published on January 7, 2012 10:52 am
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PETER SAGAL, HOST:

We want to remind everybody they can join us here most weeks at the Chase Bank Auditorium. And I want to tell you about our upcoming show in Salt Lake City in February. For tickets and more information, you can go to wbez.org, and you can find a link at our website waitwait.npr.org.

Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Adam, PepsiCo has dismissed a complaint from a man who says he found a dead mouse in his can of Mountain Dew. They say, no, no, no, this suit has no merit. There is no way that could happen. Why?

ADAM FELBER: Because, they argued, any mouse trapped in a can of Mountain Dew would have decayed and dissolved long before then.

SAGAL: Exactly right.

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ROY BLOUNT: And if the can were bigger, by god they could do it to a horse.

SAGAL: Exactly.

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BLOUNT: Mountain Dew.

SAGAL: Ronald Ball of Illinois, he's suing PepsiCo. He says he opened up his can of Mountain Dew, expecting a refreshing drink, found a dead mouse. But Pepsi's lawyers fought back with this argument. They say Mountain Dew, which by the way is something you buy and put inside your body, would dissolve the mouse long before you could drink it.

They're not saying it didn't happen, they're saying it couldn't happen because their product is so toxic that no living thing can possibly survive being immersed in its corrosive juices.

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SAGAL: And it tastes great.

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BLOUNT: They did say that there might be some sort of mouse jelly.

SAGAL: Well, what happened was is reporters checked it out and it's true, Mountain Dew, because it has so much citric acid...

FELBER: Oh.

SAGAL: ...is quite corrosive to tissue, even more so than Coke. So instead of "Grab a Dew," the soft drink slogan is "Grab a Dew with a pair of tongs and keep it away from your eyes and soft tissues."

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AMY DICKINSON: But, you know, I bet the mice know this.

SAGAL: Yeah.

DICKINSON: And just stay away.

SAGAL: You know who loves this? Mice gangsters.

DICKINSON: Yes.

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DICKINSON: They just...

SAGAL: Great way for them to dispose of bodies.

DICKINSON: Right. They just lead you right to the can to threaten you.

SAGAL: Yeah.

FELBER: Okay, Squeaky, you let us down too many times.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Exactly.

FELBER: Squeaky. "No, give me a break, give me a break. I can pay the money, I can pay..." Splash.

DICKINSON: I can do it, I can do it.

SAGAL: Yeah, I know.

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BLOUNT: Not the Dew, not the Dew.

DICKINSON: Yeah.

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SAGAL: And then they're like "Ah, Squeaky, don't worry about Squeaky, you're not going to see Squeaky around here no more."

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SAGAL: He's shall we say, in the Dew.

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SAGAL: To threaten each other, they send a pull tab wrapped in newspaper.

DICKINSON: Exactly.

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FELBER: I offered him a drink he could not refuse.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.