Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
5:10 pm
Fri February 1, 2013

Panel Round One

Originally published on Sat February 2, 2013 9:53 am

Transcript

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

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You can find a link at our website, that's waitwait.npr.org. There you can also find out about our big simulcast cinema event on May 2nd, WAIT WAIT live in a theater new you. Spoiler alert: we're even more attractive than you imagined. Am I right?

(APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Take their word for it.

Right now, panel, time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Faith, Great Britain is facing an influx of immigrants and they want to put a stop to it. What's their plan to deal with it?

FAITH SALIE: Give them free British food.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, interestingly...

CHARLIE PIERCE: A giant shepherd's pie on the dock.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Well, do you know those ads like, you know, come to Jamaica, or those sort of tourism ads you see? This is sort of the opposite.

SALIE: Right, they're showing how awful things are in Britain.

SAGAL: Right, basically they're thinking of airing ads in other countries about how much Great Britain sucks.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SALIE: Thank you for that.

BRIAN BABYLON: We don't want you.

SAGAL: Exactly, pretty much.

Great Britain is a small island, and apparently it's full at the end of this year, a limit on immigration from Romania and Bulgaria will expire, and the government ministers in Britain are worried about a flood of immigrants, people coming to drink tea and eat scones and dress just like in "Downton Abbey," just like they would expect.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So why not an advertising campaign, convincing people that the U.K. is a welfare state hellhole filled with drab people living in ugly buildings made out of their own rotted teeth.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: So, you know, this is in the nascent phase, they haven't rolled it, but they're apparently thinking about it. So we have some suggestions for their slogans, for their anti-tourism campaign. Come to Great Britain, zero out of four dentists agree.

(LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The U.K., home of Paul McCartney's band Wings.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: It's horrible here, that's what's true.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: What does that even mean?

SAGAL: I don't know. This could really help out the immigration debate in the U.S. too. We could just start airing Olive Garden commercials in Mexico.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: I thought it was just me. That is the worst place.

SAGAL: Oh.

BABYLON: Oh my...

SALIE: That bottomless salad bowl is a threat.

BABYLON: It is. But you know what, it's because I'm not in Tuscany, bro, and I know it.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: You know?

SAGAL: Yeah.

BABYLON: You're not tricking me with the wallpaper.

(LAUGHTER)

BABYLON: I'm in Skokie, man, and I know it.

(LAUGHTER)

(APPLAUSE)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.

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