Wait Wait...Don't Tell Me!
4:46 pm
Fri May 11, 2012

Panel Round Two

Originally published on Sat May 12, 2012 10:25 am

Transcript

CARL KASELL: From NPR and WBEZ-Chicago, this is WAIT WAIT...DON'T TELL ME!, the NPR News quiz. I'm Carl Kasell. We're playing this week with Tom Bodett, Amy Dickinson and Mo Rocca. And, here again is your host, at the Chase Bank Auditorium in downtown Chicago, Peter Sagal.

PETER SAGAL, HOST:

Thank you, Carl.

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: In just a minute, Carl comes out in favor of rhymosexual marriage. If you'd like to play, give us a call at 1-888-Wait-Wait. That's 1-888-924-8924. But right now, panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.

Amy, newly declassified documents reveal Osama bin Laden was known throughout al Qaeda for having a severe weakness. He was really, really bad at what?

AMY DICKINSON: I know he liked Just for Men hair coloring. No?

SAGAL: No, he did color his beard. That was sort of a different kind of weakness, his vanity.

DICKINSON: He was bad at...

SAGAL: He was bad at something.

DICKINSON: Is it a game? No.

SAGAL: No.

Among other things, he always typed in all caps, very annoying.

DICKINSON: Bad Emailer.

SAGAL: He was a terrible Emailer, apparently. He wasn't very good at it. Failing kidneys are not the only thing that Osama bin Laden had in common with your grandpa.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He had a lot of trouble with email. You can't blame him, he has spent the last twenty years, or he spent the last 20 years in caves, hide-outs and war zones, and he was using a really out of date email service, called Death to America Online.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: And this is funny. A lot of the time, for security purposes, he would type out his emails, put them on a flash drive, give them to an aide, who would then take them to a coffee shop with wi-fi to send them, which is why every Starbucks in Afghanistan has been hit by a predator drone.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Did he like - lots of forwarding I bet.

SAGAL: Oh yeah.

DICKINSON: Funny jokes.

SAGAL: He was constantly forwarding these lame fatwas. It was terrible.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: He was reportedly really bad at handling attachments, and the worst: he'd always accidentally hit reply-all-Qaeda.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Reply all-Qaeda.

TOM BODETT: So that would be, I mean it would be especially annoying if you write an email you say see the enclosed attachment for fatwa instructions and you give it to a courier who smuggles it into another country, gives it to another courier.

SAGAL: Right.

BODETT: Who smuggles it to some secret location, and then he forgot to attach the attachment.

SAGAL: That's terrible.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: And you have to go back.

SAGAL: Could you resend please?

BODETT: Right.

DICKINSON: Yeah.

SAGAL: My word processor can't read this format, can you resend?

MO ROCCA: God, they should print it out and pack it in their underwear and carry it that way. It's much easier.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I wonder what Osama autocorrects to. Like if you're trying...

SAGAL: Obama, clearly.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: Yes.

DICKINSON: Of course.

ROCCA: Very frustrating. I'm not Obama, I'm Osama.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Tom, new data suggests that forty percent of New York City's 911 calls are caused by what?

BODETT: Misdialing.

SAGAL: Yes. Well, specifically butt dialing.

ROCCA: Oh.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

SAGAL: Accidental calls. Yeah, it just stinks. You get in the subway after a long day at work. You sit down and your butt calls the cops.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The dispatcher is like, what's that, sir? Too bootylicious? You're not ready for this jelly?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: We'll send an officer right away. To cut down on the high rate of butt-mergencies, city officials have introduced an educational outreach initiative to teach New Yorkers to lock their phones in their pockets, to wear looser fitting pants, to utilize their front pockets more. They also want to make people aware of all the butts with real emergencies whose calls were not taken seriously.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: I love how they have to educate people about that. Wouldn't you think that if it happens to you once, that's it?

SAGAL: Right.

DICKINSON: Like you never do that again.

SAGAL: When the cops show up, guns drawn.

DICKINSON: Yeah, when the cops - yeah. And they take your butt into custody. I mean...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I thought the answer was going to be drunk dialing.

SAGAL: When people get drunk and like I really want to talk to a dispatcher right now.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Possibly. The flip side of this, of course, is that it's been a boom time for 911 operators who happen to be fluent in butt.

ROCCA: You know, you keep saying butt. It's pocket dialing. It's really more about the thigh.

SAGAL: You think?

ROCCA: Well, if you put it in your back pocket, you're going to crush your phone. Do people really put their phones in their back pocket?

DICKINSON: Not everyone wears tight pants like some people.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: That you aren't going to mention right now. Amy, a recent survey of 1,000 Americans found the majority of women fantasize about having a sexual encounter, where?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Sorry, I was lost in thought. What?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

SAGAL: Well, where were you thinking of, Amy?

DICKINSON: It's that scene in that Tom Cruise movie "Risky Business" on the train. Oh, did I say that out loud?

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

BODETT: Have some water, Amy.

DICKINSON: Sorry.

SAGAL: The Durex company, which is interested in this topic did a survey of a thousand Americans and they found that the majority of women, the highest number, imagined a romantic encounter where? This was their number one choice.

DICKINSON: In the kitchen, of course.

SAGAL: No. Of course, really?

BODETT: We're learning a lot here.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: If you got bored with your partner, you'd have an excellent view of Paris to distract you.

DICKINSON: The Eiffel Tower?

SAGAL: The Eiffel Tower, of all places. That was the number one choice.

(SOUNDBITE OF BELL)

ROCCA: Oh really, that's so sharp and pointy.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: I know.

BODETT: Right.

SAGAL: And cold and exposed and crowded with tourists.

ROCCA: It's metal and it's...

BODETT: And the food's not that great.

ROCCA: It's got rust on it.

SAGAL: Thirty-three percent of women admitted to fantasizing about doing it on the Eiffel Tower.

ROCCA: Bring a blanket.

SAGAL: On the same study, 31 percent of guys said the White House.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: The other 69 percent said right here if you're ready now.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Who thinks of popular tourist destinations?

DICKINSON: I know. I know.

ROCCA: Yeah.

SAGAL: When you're like, oh honey, I got two tickets to the Holocaust Museum, let's go. It's like, no.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: It's not what it's there for.

ROCCA: Yeah, it's like the Eiffel Tower, it's like a romantic encounter on the Space Needle. Ouch.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

SAGAL: Not on, Mo.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF APPLAUSE)

ROCCA: No, because I just think - oh my god. Bring a blanket. If you're going to do it in the Eiffel Tower, bring a blanket.

BODETT: Yeah, and some wet naps.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

ROCCA: I'm sorry, get the world's biggest prophylactic and...

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

DICKINSON: Maybe that's why Durex sponsored it.

BODETT: What does Durex make?

ROCCA: What is Durex?

BODETT: What do they make?

DICKINSON: They make condoms.

SAGAL: Durex makes condoms.

ROCCA: That's a problem that you just told us that.

(SOUNDBITE OF LAUGHTER)

(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright National Public Radio.

Related program: